When you find that special place you call home you FEEL it. No matter how much time passes or how many other places you go or live in your life nor what reasons may compel you to live elsewhere, there is still nothing that does it for you quite like home. For me it was and perhaps always will be New York City. When I’m away and I see it in a movie or a magazine I feel a pulling in the area of my heart. Traveling is one thing. A glorious thing. But all the trappings and accoutrement of a well lit established and stable home environment still fail to fill that void that exists inside us whenever we’re away from our true home. Not sure what it is exactly that draws us so strongly and permanently to one particular locale in the world, but it’s a palpable tug toward earth, a grounding stable reference point that calms and soothes and whispers to the soul…. “you’re home…”
I had that same feeling the first time I hit the ground in Italy. Almost everywhere there, any city. Especially Firenze (Florence). As the Diaries entries from 2003 show I felt it most strongly in the Gaeta/Itri area of central Italy. I posed that it was a genetic phenomenon, because that’s where my mom’s side of the family came from. I traveled all over that country; felt it more strongly in some areas more than in others. I went to ALL the different towns and cities where my family had lived for thousands of years and yet in Gaeta and Itri I felt a very strong palpable sense of belonging… as if it were in my DNA or something, more than in any other towns.
Interestingly, contrarily, growing up in Florida I never felt a sense of home, but the exact opposite feeling, a strong sense of not liking it, not preferring it. Never felt safe, comfortable or at home; never felt like I belonged. Always a fish out of water. As a kid I assumed it was due to being an artist or inventor, that I had some kind of black sheep syndrome that transferred to the entire world, as if in general I just didn’t “fit in” anywhere. Traveled all over the world with my family as a kid and it wasn’t until I went to New York City for the first time that I first felt a sense of belonging or “being home”. It was a huge relief, was very revealing about who we are, who we truly are… It’s deeper than we think or believe or are led to believe. People think that because you grow up somewhere that it’s “home”. But the only reason we live somewhere when we are growing up is because our parents decided to live there, not because we want to. Doesn’t make it home. Home is something we can feel. I am happy for the people I know who feel at home in the town they grew up in. It doesn’t always work out like that.
Now I can say that I have noticed that no matter where I am geographically as long as I am with Princess Little Tree it feels like home. That’s a whole other paradigm. Sure geographically you still either feel a sense of belonging or not; it’s important, more than important. But finding that special someone or someones is even more important in the bigger picture. Having both… well that’s heaven on earth isn’t it?